For those of you that have found my blog through my WSU introduction, I should probably explain the name and url. Why Country Bumpkin?
Well, for starters, I do live in the sticks. 9 acres complete with 3 horses, 12 rabbits, 14 chickens, 2 dogs, 3 cats, 4 quail, 2 guppies and a cockatiel (yes, you were supposed to sing that to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas). Also at one time, goats, which explains my profile picture – but they were evil creatures that busted all the rabbits loose. I now credit them with an obnoxiously lazy family of “free-range domestic” rabbits that make themselves at home all over my yard.
Well, in my little country ideal, I was unable to get a high speed connection to the internet at my house until last year. Yes, that’s right folks – the year 2011! And it took some doing! Most conversations with service providers ran something like this –
Me: Hi I’m interested in the bundled plan you offer for hi-speed internet.
Rep: Ok, great let’s get started, can I have your address and zip code?
Me: Yes, it’s . . . .
Rep: [Pause] ummm, hmmm let me see . . . ma’am, I apologize it looks like we don’t offer digital TV in your area. Would you still like to continue?
Me: Yes, that’s fine, can we still bundle phone and hi-speed?
Rep: Definitely, let’s see what that rate will be [Pause] well, oh my, yes, hmmm, my system seems to be saying you are outside our reach for hi-speed internet. It’s also telling me, what? We can’t even provide you voicemail service for your telephone line? Where the heck do you live ma’am? You are 35,000 feet outside our service area!
People look at me with concern when I tell them that I have to drive 2 miles down the road and stand in my neighbor’s barn in order to get a good cell phone connection. Although I did discover last summer that by standing on top of the fencepost at the end of my driveway, I was able to get a decent connection as well. How might you ask did I discover this?
Well, one spring morning I looked out my window and discovered that, lo and behold, there was a cable access box immediately across the street from my home! I had no idea when it had been placed there, it being hidden from view by 3ft tall grass or snow the majority of the year. Knowing I was going to start back to school and needing the hi-speed connection for online courses, I did the only reasonable thing – I called Charter and asked for their service!
Someday, just for fun I’d like to get a transcript of all my conversations with Charter from May through August of last year. We could make it into a movie. Perhaps Adrian Brody could play one of the soulfully sad installation techs that repeatedly wandered around my yard, saying “Ma,am, I apologize . . . you see, there is no cable on this side of the street.” And I would clutch my chest in horror, crying “I know, I’ve only told your company that for 3 months!”
We could complete it with a song and dance number to the Pointer Sister‘s “I’m So Excited” when the county brush hog chews up a ¼ mile of my cable and small woodland creatures prance through the fields throwing the confetti-ed pieces into the air. Of course, this scene would fade away to me standing on my fence post screaming obscenities into my crackling cell phone at the supervisor of installation services. (Remember, that bundled package = I have no phones when the cable is in 3,482 pieces in the roadside ditch).
I submitted my scores and was granted permission to skip the Intro Tech class. Now, I find myself in a panic that I will be unable to fulfill the expectations in a higher level tech course. I’m a quick learner and can generally figure things out relatively easily on my own, but I have volunteered to teach myself CSS and learn to design a web page with no formal instruction. I love design, that shouldn’t be the problem – it’s all that jumble of code behind the scenes that frightens me! Wish me luck (good advice is also welcome).
